"Though He Slay Me---"

“Though He slay me, yet will I trust in Him.”  Job 13:15(I am impressed to be totally personal, transparent, vulnerable and open here, because God’s people go through situations of danger, sorrow, sickness, pain and death.  I pray that we all will be able to find the precious Saviour in all the fiery trials of our lives.  We can lean our entire weight upon Him.  He will never fail us). “Though He slay me, yet will I trust in Him” - Have I gotten this far in my personal experience yet?  Have I learned to trust Him even in the face of death?  Could I just as fervently express my faith in Jesus in the last stages of my life on earth? I have been in life threatening situations before in Thailand, but would the devil still try to shut me down here in the luxuries of America?Questions like this surged through my mind as I contemplated my condition.   Since last February I had discovered a mass in my right breast. It was alarmingly large.  I was considering getting a mammogram in Mae Sot, Thailand , at a border clinic when I brought 2 patients there to be seen.  It was free.  When I saw how the patients were jammed in the dirty waiting room, and noted the care they received, as well as finding out that the nice American Physician, Dr. Cynthia, no longer treated patients there, I changed my mind for the patients and myself!Now in early May I am jogging around a sidewalk near my Mother’s apartment building in Chattanooga, Tennessee thinking that I waited too long.  I couldn’t tell if the mass was any bigger. The statistics say that 207,090 new cases of breast cancer have been diagnosed in America during the year 2010 with an estimated 39,840 deaths.  The chance of a woman having breast cancer sometime in her life is 1 in 8. It is the second leading cause of death in women here in the USA.  Grim thoughts I am having.   If I joined the 1:8 ratio I could sympathize with these poor ladies more.   My daily push-ups are harder to do it seems and a very uncomfortable feeling is in my right upper back along with a strange feeling down my right arm. Actually this might have been going on before February.  I hadn’t checked.  Oh how Ominous to say the least, especially when accompanied with the thought that if metastasis has already taken place, I may have only one or two months to live if that.Prayer always changes things.  I had prayed about this a lot since February, always casting my cares upon Him and receiving peace and strength.  But still the gnawing sensation that something was terribly wrong, caused me to pray more earnestly.  I felt extremely oppressed by the enemy of souls.  I am scheduled for a mammogram and a Doctor’s office visit this week.  I am with the charity patients and do not have to pay much, for which I am thankful. Thoughts came like- What about my boys?  Who would ever continue praying all the time for them as earnestly as I?  This would stop me from going with the boys to camp meetings next month, and what will happen to Micah, just 16 years old who was so excited about returning with me to Thailand July 5?  Would God let me go down now when I am called to work in BYT?  This is just one week before I must do my biggest presentation on our work in Thailand.  How can I with my usual enthusiasm present the needs of a far away land and ever hope to reach the hearts of the people here with enthusiasm and love for God, with a death sentence hanging over my head? If God allows me to die now then it must be that I will accomplish more for God by my death than by my life.  Paul said: “For me to live is Christ and to die is gain” Philippians 1:21, so it sounds good either way.  It would be simply wonderful to rest the sleep of death and be freed of the baleful results of sin here, the anguish of agonizing prayers for those close who have gone astray, and the struggle against Satan’s heinous attacks.  The next thing for me will be to see Jesus face to face!  Heaven!! God’s ways are so much higher than mine that by His grace I will trust in Him fully!By this point in my human understanding of things, I could see no way out.  I knew it was cancer.  Every health professional would agree, I know. It couldn’t possibly be anything else.  I did wonder why I still had energy and was running the same as usual. I thought it was just because it was such a strong habit.  As I ran up to the Garden Plaza entrance where my Mother lives, a group of people had just walked out towards their car and a lady commented as I ran past, “Wow, you will live a very long time running like that!”  “Oh my,” I thought to myself, “What they don’t know is that I am totally rotten inside and will die any minute!”  Once inside the building at my Mother’s house, she makes the comment of how healthy I look and how happy she was that I had such strength and vigor.  I said nothing.In the next two days came the mammogram and Doctor’s appointment.  While waiting in the doctor’s office I overheard 2 ladies talking.  One was telling in tears of how her sister had died of breast cancer just one week ago at the age of 58. I winced as I heard it because I am 58.  (The devil really knows how to grind you down).  Once in the exam room the doctor sent me for an ultra sound immediately because she was very concerned about it.  Now my speculations were confirmed and the next day I went for the ultrasound, (death sentence). They have much higher technology now than when I last had this kind of procedure 10 years ago.  The ultra sound is diagnostic. I had perfect peace for the final diagnosis.  I could rest totally on the dear Saviour, He is not going to leave me now.  His wonderful joy will follow me till death. I will never have to part with Him.  After the ultra sound the technician went to show it to the doctor.  When she returned she told me the doctor found no cancer whatsoever and I was fine.  I had a hard time processing this, were they really sure they were right about this?  Indeed they were!  I leaped up off the gurney and hugged the technician; in fact I believe I hugged her 3 times.  She had known what work I did in Thailand and she said, “You can go and help those people and do whatever you want.”  I gave her my video and assured her that God did have a work for me to do and by His grace I would do it!  I ran to the car in the parking lot and called my Sister immediately, I told her that God had spared my life, he didn’t want me back there occupying a hospital bed with medicine, IV’s and disintegrating health  - causing my family and friends to bare great anguish and exhaustion while taking care of me.  He had allowed the test of the refiner’s fire to sweep over me so that with fresh vigor, courage, hope and faith I could proclaim His wonderful works both here and far into the jungles of Thailand.  Whatever lies ahead for me I leave it in His control.  By His grace I long to do His bidding, grow up in His abounding love and help as many of His dear people to know Him as I know Him.Two days later I had the program at Garden Plaza.  It was not a defeated program with an ominous future and drooping shoulders.  The people came and filled the room to overflowing.  The Garden Plaza staff couldn’t find enough chairs for them all to sit in, so the people stood in the back, in the doorway and filled the hall.  My sister and I sang, though unprofessional and simple, it was from the heart.  With a new lease on life the stories were told and the pictures shown.  God’s Spirit was there, through NO merit of my own.  PRAISE THE LORD!  He wants me to GO FORWARD!  OH HOW I LOVE HIM!Thinking back I remember how the devil tried to stop me talking to the Karen parents who did not know God that day, by sending potential death to me on the porch the night before.  Also the dreadful delays we have had since December 26 to hold us back from taking the gospel to those in and around BYT who do not know God.  This health threat in America is yet another ploy of the evil one to prevent my mouth from glorifying His lovely name, bringing attention to the enormous needs overseas, and to bring my personal testimony of His faithfulness and miracle working power and the nearness of His coming.If you're struggling with something huge, just keep in mind that the devil can make your situation seem hopeless in so many ways.  Don't give in to His lies - don't trust your senses, just look at how precious the Saviour is right beside you and still trust Him fully.Mrs. White says, in Selected Messages book 1 page 117, 118 “It is in the day of trouble that we feel the preciousness of Jesus.  You will be given opportunity to say, ‘Though He slay me, yet will I trust in Him.’  Oh, it is so precious to think that opportunities are afforded us to confess our faith in the face of danger, and amid sorrow, sickness, pain, and death.”